a girl that I follow made a post about rape that made me really upset. she said that rape does not run through the minds of "normal" men like how murder doesn't go through the mind it normal people, only psychos commit rape. we should not be angry at men, but we should be angry with rapists. can you please help me formulate a response to a statement like this? I need to validate my being upset because when people say stuff like this it makes me feel like it's absolute and I'm in the wrong

misandry-mermaid:

I’d present her with these statistics and ask her to explain them (bolded for relevance to your specific situation)

"Only Psychos Think Rape is OK…Right? - Societal Attitudes Supporting Rape"

A survey of 6,159 college students enrolled at 32 institutions in the U.S. found the following: (ref 4)

  • 54% of the women surveyed had been the victims of some form of sexual abuse; more than one in four college-aged women had been the victim of rape or attempted rape;
  • 57% of the assaults occurred on dates;
  • 73% of the assailants and 55% of the victims had used alcohol or other drugs prior to the assault;
  • 25% of the men surveyed admitted some degree of sexually aggressive behavior;
  • 42% of the victims told no one.
  • In a survey of high school students, 56% of the girls and 76% of the boys believed forced sex was acceptable under some circumstances. (ref 5)

A survey of 11-to-14 year-olds found: (ref 5)

  • 51% of the boys and 41% of the girls said forced sex was acceptable if the boy, “spent a lot of money” on the girl;
  • 31% of the boys and 32% of the girls said it was acceptable for a man to rape a woman with past sexual experience;
  • 87% of boys and 79% of girls said sexual assault was acceptable if the man and the woman were married;
  • 65% of the boys and 47% of the girls said it was acceptable for a boy to rape a girl if they had been dating for more than six months.

In a survey of male college students:

  • 35% anonymously admitted that, under certain circumstances, they would commit rape if they believed they could get away with it (ref 6,7).
  • One in 12 admitted to committing acts that met the legal definitions of rape, and 84% of men who committed rape did not label it as rape. (ref 6,7)

In another survey of college males: (ref 8)

  • 43% of college-aged men admitted to using coercive behavior to have sex, including ignoring a woman’s protest, using physical aggression, and forcing intercourse.
  • 15% acknowledged they had committed acquaintance rape; 11% acknowledged using physical restraints to force a woman to have sex.
  • Women with a history of rape or attempted rape during adolescence were almost twice as likely to experience a sexual assault during college, and were three times as likely to be victimized by a husband. (ref 9)
  • Sexual assault is reported by 33% to 46% of women who are being physically assaulted by their husbands.(ref 10)

[Source]

a girl that I follow made a post about rape that made me really upset. she said that rape does not run through the minds of "normal" men like how murder doesn't go through the mind it normal people, only psychos commit rape. we should not be angry at men, but we should be angry with rapists. can you please help me formulate a response to a statement like this? I need to validate my being upset because when people say stuff like this it makes me feel like it's absolute and I'm in the wrong

misandry-mermaid:

I’d present her with these statistics and ask her to explain them (bolded for relevance to your specific situation)

"Only Psychos Think Rape is OK…Right? - Societal Attitudes Supporting Rape"

A survey of 6,159 college students enrolled at 32 institutions in the U.S. found the following: (ref 4)

  • 54% of the women surveyed had been the victims of some form of sexual abuse; more than one in four college-aged women had been the victim of rape or attempted rape;
  • 57% of the assaults occurred on dates;
  • 73% of the assailants and 55% of the victims had used alcohol or other drugs prior to the assault;
  • 25% of the men surveyed admitted some degree of sexually aggressive behavior;
  • 42% of the victims told no one.
  • In a survey of high school students, 56% of the girls and 76% of the boys believed forced sex was acceptable under some circumstances. (ref 5)

A survey of 11-to-14 year-olds found: (ref 5)

  • 51% of the boys and 41% of the girls said forced sex was acceptable if the boy, “spent a lot of money” on the girl;
  • 31% of the boys and 32% of the girls said it was acceptable for a man to rape a woman with past sexual experience;
  • 87% of boys and 79% of girls said sexual assault was acceptable if the man and the woman were married;
  • 65% of the boys and 47% of the girls said it was acceptable for a boy to rape a girl if they had been dating for more than six months.

In a survey of male college students:

  • 35% anonymously admitted that, under certain circumstances, they would commit rape if they believed they could get away with it (ref 6,7).
  • One in 12 admitted to committing acts that met the legal definitions of rape, and 84% of men who committed rape did not label it as rape. (ref 6,7)

In another survey of college males: (ref 8)

  • 43% of college-aged men admitted to using coercive behavior to have sex, including ignoring a woman’s protest, using physical aggression, and forcing intercourse.
  • 15% acknowledged they had committed acquaintance rape; 11% acknowledged using physical restraints to force a woman to have sex.
  • Women with a history of rape or attempted rape during adolescence were almost twice as likely to experience a sexual assault during college, and were three times as likely to be victimized by a husband. (ref 9)
  • Sexual assault is reported by 33% to 46% of women who are being physically assaulted by their husbands.(ref 10)

[Source]

"People know their own gender better than others who aren't them" and "you can be trans without having dysphoria" (since, speaking here as a psych major, you can have body dysphoria without being trans) as ideologies are not hurting trans people. If weird pronouns and labels are annoying cis people, that's on cis people, not us. Why are you groveling for cis transphobes' approval at the expense of other trans people wtf
Anonymous

sassmaster-general:

No you can’t, Mr./Ms. Psych Major. You’re probably thinking of body dysmorphia, which is very different from gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a specific kind of dysphoria related to gender and sexed characteristics. I mean, I don’t believe you’re a psych major, anyway, since you kind of don’t know what you’re talking about, but whatever. You pretty much gave yourself away when you brought up the “groveling for cis transophobes’ approval” bit. You aren’t a psych major; you’re either a troll or an anti-transmedicalist masquerading as one.

Or perhaps your schooling was just highly transphobic, or so left-wing that it circled back around and became right-wing. Either way, you’re kind of dumb.

Yes, those ideologies are hurting trans people. If we allow non-dysphorics, who have none of the same experiences as dysphorics, under the trans label, we’re basically denying dysphorics a label specifically for them. Exact opposites should not exist under the same label. Non-dysphorics are the opposite of dysphorics; why the fuck should we share a goddamn label? That’s ludicrous. We have nothing in common.

Gender is not a fucking feel. Gender is an intrinsic part of a person, something they are born with. Your gender may match your sex when you’re born, or it may not. Gender isn’t a choice; that’s the same transphobic ideology Conservative Christians use to deny us rights and easy access to medical resources.

"Rabbit" is not a gender. You don’t need bunself pronouns. Pronouns are meant to take the place of nouns, and neopronouns are ableist and US-centric.

Microgendering is a bunch of bullshit, because you end up relabeling shit that already has a label. Pretty much every brand new gender on tumblr is describing a facet of a person’s personality, or is relabeling something that already exists, because the original label isn’t new or edgy enough.

Do you remember the circumgender fiasco? Yeah, that’s the kind of shit that happens when you microgender. You open the door for cis people to barge their way into the trans community, because, “I’m a man trapped in a woman’s body trapped in a man’s body,” or, “My gender is fragile, like a tiny flower, so I’m flowergender!”

These people either 1) aren’t trans, or 2) are very confused. If they are confused and unsure of their gender, the last thing they need is blind validation. They need education to help them figure themselves out. They need to be educated on gender dysphoria, and on the various established trans and non-binary identities.

Blind validation is only going to prolong their suffering, and allowing them to change genders every week is doing nothing for them or the trans community.

Dumbass.

icyarguments:

Based on a true story.

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